Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
