omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
