i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
