Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
