Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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