i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
