I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
