My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
