I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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