He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
