I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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