Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
