i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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