You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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