omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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