just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
