It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
