She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
