Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Randomize
