yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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