the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
