You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
