I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
