i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
