i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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