I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
