i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
