I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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