That's intense
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
