There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
