im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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