He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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