I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
