So drunk its hurt
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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