btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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