that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
