So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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