How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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