I feel like abortions should bother me more
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
