If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
