I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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