Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
