I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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