Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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