need another drink. this is the easiest way
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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