I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
