I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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