It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
