all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
