I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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