Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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