I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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