Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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