There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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