Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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