you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
