Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
