tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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