Can i not drive my cunt home
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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