i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
