Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
