you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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