u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I love having hate sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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