I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
