So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
