He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
