it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
